So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
