We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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