I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Semen is not good for contacts.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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