great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
