i just wanna soil my oats bro
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
