Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
