I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
