Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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