somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
