Taylor Swift is so right about you.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize