Are we in a gay sports bar?
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Randomize
