Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
