I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
