oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
