thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
