If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
