Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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