dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Sext me about skeletons
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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