i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
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