White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
