I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
