I can tuck mytits in my pants
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Small penises have feelings too.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
