haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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