love makes seman taste better
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
