Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She told me I should be a condom model.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
