3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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