do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
