I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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