It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize