whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
