First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
