so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize