They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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