i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
