Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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