in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
