he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
