Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
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