Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
