You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
