The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
