based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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