Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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