Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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