i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
