Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
