It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
