the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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