His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
