I can text with my tongue
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize