for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
