i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize