Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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