I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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