Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
