I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
