At least make sure they are 18
Why
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Randomize
