i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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