you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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