Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
