I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
