Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
