so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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